The Grand Entrance

My premiere blog! It's about dang time.
 

Disclaimer or something like that:


 I'm an Aquarius, through and through. It is my belief that someone's astrological sign contributes somewhat to his/her overall personality.  I have no patience for people who want to slam astrology, my dearly beloved interest. You don't have to believe in its merit, but you also don't have refer to it as "stupid" or "bs." I don't bash people who spend their leisure hours on a pogo stick, a sewing machine, bent over a gin bottle, or mesmerized by a Candy Land board. Hobbies are personal and sacred, right? So if you don't want to read blogs with regular astrological references, take your judgmental reading eyes elsewhere. (Can you tell I've dealt with annoying, narrow-minded astrology bashers on quite a few occasions? Most of these fools know NOTHING about the hobby, which makes them even more aggravating.) Anyway, I'm not going to pressure you to spend your Saturday nights poring over Linda Goodman's Sun Signs. Nor will I ever encourage you to purchase an astrological bobble head or sport a Gemini t-shirt. However, I won't tolerate ignorant, hateful comments about one of my interests either.


Wow! That was more intense that originally intended. With that out of the way, here are a few fascinating tidbits about me, in no particular order:

1. I'm extremely, ridiculously addicted to Nicorette gum. While I haven't touched a cigarette in years, I chomp constantly on the nicotine-infested squares all day, every day. Nicorette gum is my number one vice. Foolishly, I announced to the entire world that I am giving it up in less than a month. I even took three days off work to conquer my all-consuming addiction. As February 20 looms over me, I've started having lots of second thoughts about this grand idea. See, I am absolutely enamored with this gum. It brings me great joy and relieves work-related stress (or so my warped mind believes). At least once a day I hear, "Can't you just chew regular gum?" My response? "Can't you just eat celery when you want a cookie? Can't you just drink water when you want coffee? Can't you just make yourself run 5 miles when you'd rather stay in bed under the electric blanket?"

My primary reason for quitting is the cost. I can no longer justify spending a couple hundred dollars a month on this gum. It is both the bane of my existence and my reason for living. If those Publisher's Clearing House people were to appear at my door, I would chew 30 pieces a day for the rest of my life. However, I'm a realist at heart, and the odds of my becoming a millionaire are about the same as my becoming a stellar athlete with oodles of coordination. Thus, I must bid farewell to my six-year-long habit. I do wish I had a support group; however, I am going to have to summon my inner strength and fall in love with Trident. Oh, and avoid all human contact for several days. It will not be pretty, I'm afraid. After I survive the detox, I'm going to demand that a warning label be placed on the Nicorette boxes: "Surgeon General's Warning: May cause lifelong addiction."

2. I'm almost 32 and....SINGLE. No husband, no children, no tomato garden, no family photos to mail at Christmastime. My fertility window is closing by the day. However, I'm on indefinite dating sabbatical. Depending upon the day and my mood, I might say, "I QUIT" when questioned about dating. (Don't we wish I could respond the same way about Nicorette.) Trust me, there are good reasons behind this. Please be advised that this blog will contain many snarky posts about terrible dating experiences. I can only hope that my experiences will bring laughter to others, as they have done nothing but annoy the crap out of me.

3. I'm madly in love with my dog, Zodi (yes, short for "Zodiac.") So I never sleep alone.

4. I have wonderful family members and friends...Okay, this blog is starting to sound like a Match.com profile. What next? "I'm very laid-back and easygoing....I love 80s music and hiking."

We shall skip the positive tidbits and just stick with the sarcastic, snarky blogging. :) Welcome to my blog and happy reading!